They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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