How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
