i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
