I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
