i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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