Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
