at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
