Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
