Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
