dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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