I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
