I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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