Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
