Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
