Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
