so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
