I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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