you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
