I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
