How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
