fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
