oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
