As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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