My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
