just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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