I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
