Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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