PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
