just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
