go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He has the fingertips of a God
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
