I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
