The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
