I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
