I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
