I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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