just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
