I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
