she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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