he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
dude. I can hear the air.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
