One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
