so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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