Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
