I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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