Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You were trust falling into bushes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
