A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
