Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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