i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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