yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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