U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
