I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
