is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
