i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
