i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
