let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
