White coat. Heels.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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